英语小笑话带翻译

发布时间:2013-05-15 来源:www.jdyl8.com

1、Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.
老师:如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半,我能得到几块儿?汤米:四块。老师:那我要是再切两次,我能得到什么呢?汤米:汉堡。

2、A Girl's Name
When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的) .
Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.
Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.
女孩的名字
女儿出生时,我们给她取名叫迈尔斯,和我深爱的也已过世的父亲同一个名字,不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。
几年以后,我觉得迈尔斯已经长大,能够懂事了。我对她解释说:你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字,因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。
迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下,然后说道:这些我都懂,妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。

3、Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
两块蛋糕
汤姆:妈妈,我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?
妈妈:当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!

4、Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了一会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。”

5、The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用害怕,你知道这条谚语吗:‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?”

6、On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上,幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说,她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿,那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。

7、Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?
Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.
母亲问她年幼的儿子:宝贝,今天老师教了你些什么?  
儿子骄傲地说:什么都没教,妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几,我告诉她等于三。

8、Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
妈妈:玛丽,你为什么这样大喊大叫的? 为什么不能像艾迪那样安安静静的玩儿呢?你看艾迪一声儿都不出。
玛丽:妈妈,艾迪当然不会出声了,因为我们俩正在玩爸爸回家迟到的游戏呢,他扮演爸爸,我扮演你。

9、Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."
"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.
"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
在期末考试之前,汤姆告诉他的母亲:“妈妈,我昨天晚上做了一个梦,梦见我通过了今天的考试。”
“不要相信梦,亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。
“那么,我真希望在今晚的梦中,我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

10、A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年,小伙子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.
So he won't join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.
一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑:小孩,你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么?
这样,他就不会去参军了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。

11、Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.
老师:如果我左手上有7个桔子,右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?
学生:大手。

12、When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.
The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?
杰克给人鞠躬,飞快地一点头,就算完了。大家都怪他不懂礼貌。于是便有好心的人教他说,下次鞠躬的时候,你就在心里数:一月、二月、……一直数到十二月为止,然后再直起身来。这样,礼节就周全了。
第二天,杰克见到他的叔叔,他便如法炮制。这躬鞠得太久,叔叔吃了一惊,赶紧逃开了。杰克抬头一看,其叔早已不知去向,他便问过路人:我叔叔几月走的?

13、The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺爱,宠爱) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点,可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭,就是闹。
他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了,他奶奶在门口接他并问道:“学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?”
“哭?”约翰问,“不,我没哭,可老师哭了。”

14、A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学,“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗,小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的,老师,我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

15、Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Betty: Because they had so many knights.
老师:为什么有时我们称中世纪为黑暗时代呢?
贝蒂:因为那时有许多骑士。

16、Returning from a golf outing(远足,短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?
Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答复) . We just play to have fun.
Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?
丈夫打完高尔夫球回来,我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。爸爸,谁赢了高尔夫球比赛,是你还是理查叔叔?
我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢,丈夫推诿说。我们打球只是为了好玩而已。
莎拉毫不气馁,又问:那么,爸爸,谁觉得更好玩呢?

17、Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"
维尔和比尔在争吵,谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。维尔说:“你知道太平洋吗? 那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”
比尔不屑地说:“那没什么。你知道死海吗? 那是我爸爸打死的。”

18、A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?
A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。
他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?

19、Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的爱好。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。
一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。

20、Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是:为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声?
尼克的回答是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后。

21、It's His Fault
Billy and Bobby were small boys. They were brothers, and they often had fights with each other.
Last Saturday their mother said to them, I'm going to cook our lunch now. Go out and play in the garden and be good.
Yes, Mummy, the two boys answered, and they went out.
They played in the garden for half an hour, and then Billy ran into the kitchen. Mummy, he said, Bobby's broken a window in Mrs. Allen's house. Mrs. Allen was one of their neighbors.
He's a bad boy, his mother said. How did he break it?
I threw a stone at him, Billy answered, and he quickly moved down.
是他的错
比利和波比都是小男孩。他们是兄弟,两人经常打架。
上个星期六,他们的妈妈对他们说,我现在要做午饭了。去,到花园去玩吧,别淘气。
是,妈妈,两个男孩回答,然后他们就出去了。
他们在花园里玩了半个小时,然后比利跑进了厨房。妈妈,他说,波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻璃。艾伦太太是他们的邻居。
他是个坏孩子,他的妈妈说,他是怎么把玻璃打碎的?
我朝他扔了一块石子,比利回答道,他赶紧蹲下。

22、Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道:“你们知道吗,自从夏天来临,我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰,我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”
另外一位说:“是啊,我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍,它们还是赶不走。”
第三个牧师说:“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼,让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”

23、He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?
约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。 

24、He's just Been to the Zoo
When I was waitting in line at the bank , I noticed a woman holding a small child at one of the windows. The boy was eating a roll ,which he thrust at the teller. The teller smiled and shook his head.
"No, no, dear," said the boy's mom. and then , turnning to the teller , "I beg your pardon , young man. Please forgive my son . He's just been to the zoo."
他刚去过动物园
当我在银行里排队时,发现一位妇女抱着一个小孩站在一个窗口。男孩正在吃一个面包卷,并将面包卷戳向出纳员,出纳员笑着摇了摇头。
“别这样,亲爱的,” 男孩的妈妈说。然后她转向出纳员说,“对不起,小伙子。请原谅我的儿子,他刚去过动物园。”

25、How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to
be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his
way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生,我的当事人被指控偷窃,这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约,几乎不认路。
而且,他只会说几个英语单词。"
法官看了看被告,问道:"你会说多少英文?"
被告抬起头,说:"把你的钱包给我!"

26、I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

27、In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生,“杰克,你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”
杰克想了想,回答,“炸鸡,老师。”

28、A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.
一个男孩放学回家时,觉得肚子痛。来,坐下,吃点点心,妈妈说,你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。
一会儿,男孩的爸爸下班回家了,说是头痛。
你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的,他那聪明的儿子说,里面装点东西,就会好的。

29、One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves
you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'
My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”(名人语录 www.jdyl8.com
我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

30、I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”
“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

    栏目推荐
    热点排行

    经典语录吧©www.jdyl8.com